omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
