Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
