My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
