I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
