grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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