Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
