i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
