Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
