mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
