so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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