You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Houston, we have a squirter
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
