Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
