Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
