I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You are the jesus of drinking
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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