Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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