No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's never too late to be topless.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
