White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
