when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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