For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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