my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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