I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
