my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
