My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
