Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
