roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
