Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
