I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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