so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
