Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
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