hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
