You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i already hear my dad disowning me
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
