The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
