we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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