if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
