dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
