need another drink. this is the easiest way
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
