cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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