I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
third nipple confirmed
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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