i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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