it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You are the jesus of drinking
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
