Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
