just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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