I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
