Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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