im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
