I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
