He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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