It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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