Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
