ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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