we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
