Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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