Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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